How McKean Are You Test?

How McKean Are You?**

This test was developed to match mates based on 100 levels of compatibility

1. Let’s say you have a light fixture in the bathroom that holds 3 light bulbs, how do you deal with this?

a. I would never buy a light fixture like that.

b. I only make use of one of the bulbs, turning the others off. I’ve worked out the cost of using the other two outlets and this saves me 4 cents a month.

c. If there are three places for light bulbs, I use all three.

2. You notice that the razor you use to shave with wears out more quickly than you think it should, what do you do?

a. I let my hair grow naturally and would never think to take a razor to what nature has inspired.

b. I write the date I purchased the razor on said razor and then I determine how long said razor should last (compared to days of yore), then I throw it away when a reasonable amount of time has passed (say, two or more years)

c. I throw it away.

3. You’ve just used the last of the onion that was stored in a zip-lock bag, what do you do?

a. I recycle plastic, so it goes in the recycle bin

b. I recycle plastic, so I reuse it over and over until one day it is sacrificed (because of it’s age) to the gods of piping deviled eggs.

c. I throw it away. It smells like onions.

4. You’ve just bought a pair of new shoes, what’s your first thought?

a. Before I bought them I checked to make sure they were faux leather. Then I made sure no animals were harmed while they were being made.

b. I date them on the sole to see how long they will last. I’m pretty certain that my shoes would still be wearable (or that I would still wear them) even if they were involved in a nuclear disaster.

c. I hope these look OK with my new jeans.

5. You are about to make a new purchase, but before you do, you look on the bottom of said purchase to

a. see if it is a type 1 or 2 plastic and therefore recyclable

b. see if it was made in the good ol’ U. S. of A; if so, you buy it; if not you curse NAFTA, the EPA, & globalism for giving the job of making cheap plastic crap to foreigners.

c. you don’t look at the bottom of said purchase, if you like it you buy it

6. You are hungry. And eating at home just won’t do, where do you go?

a. There are three things you look for: Vegan, organically grown, gluten-free

b. Buffet all the way—if it ain’t fried, it ain’t going in my pie hole

c. Whatever sounds good. I’m flexible.

7. Your philosophy on life is:

a. Reuse, Reduce, Recycle

b. If it’s not Efficient, don’t buy it, don’t use it, divorce it

c. Carpe Diem

8. How do you like to be prepared for an emergency?

a. you have gallons of distilled water & packages of whole, roasted almonds from Whole Foods enough to last two weeks.

b. you have a flash-light, a back-up flash-light, and a back-up to your back-up flashlight on your bedside table.

c. Emergency? I’ll deal with it when it happens.

9. I just ate a particularly heavy meal. What do I do?

a. I do a cleanse, have a session of Bikram Yoga, and meditate on the evils of excess.

b. I see a therapist. Fiber Therapy—one session and I’m cured.

c. I enjoy the feeling of fullness, but determine that next time I’ll eat lighter so I can enjoy the day more.

10. How do you coordinate your ensemble?

a. you match your hemp shoes to your recycled plastic t-shirt.

b. your man-hose match whatever you wear so it’s never really a problem.

c. you try to make sure the colors don’t clash.

11. Your favorite author is:

a. The Dali Lama

b. God & Chuck Missler

c. New York Times Op Ed

12. What are some of the gifts you’ve bought for your significant other?

a. Fairly-traded, non-sweat-shop, non-animal tested items

b. a hand-gun. We live in the great state of Texas—we should take advantage of the right to conceal a weapon. Plus, Pampa is known for its violent crime.

c. a throw from Pottery Barn

How to Score:

If your answers are mostly-

A’s: you are the antitheses of a McKean. At first glance some of your frugal, green, environmentally-friendly ways seem very McKean like. However, if saving the planet, decreasing your carbon foot-print, or saving the polar ice-caps are even a small part of your motivation, then you are, in fact, the very opposite of a McKean.

B’s: Welcome to the Family. Your very first act as a new McKean will be to purchase a deep-fat fryer & treat yourself to a nice buffet dinner.

C’s: Your happy, go-lucky lifestyle inhibits you from becoming a McKean. Your blissed out philosophy on life is causing you to lose pennies every year. Try harder to analyze your water usage down to the drop.

**As always, I have my father-in-law, Allen, to thank for the inspiration of this test. I took all of the "B" answers from real-life doctrines, teachings, and habits of the Ultimate McKean.