I would really love to write a blog about something meaningful and important. But, I lack the wakefulness required for that. I also lack the brain power. I think that since Haven's been born, my IQ has dropped at least 23 points. I go into rooms and can't remember why I'm there. I forget words. I'm not old enough to have senior moments, so it must be the almost 7 months without 8 hours sleep in one nice chunk. I do always remember to eat, though, so things can't be that bad.
In addition, I feel like my spiritual life is on hold. I'm not heavily involved in any occult activities, but I'm also not hosting revivals in my house either. There must be an in-between. I think that's where I am. I'm the peanut butter between the bread. A little salty and a little sweet. I hope that doesn't mean luke-warm because if you've read Revelation, then you know that's a dangerous place to be. Does God make exceptions for tired moms and dads? I think he must because I don't feel any deep condemnation. I kind of feel like He's waiting on the other end of the line for me to pick up. It isn't often that I view God very lovingly. Not because He hasn't shown me His love for me, but because it's easier to view Him as a guy with His hand raised to strike. But, for some strange reason He seems so tender and patient right now.
Sometimes at night when I hold Haven and think about how He promised her to me, I am overwhelmed. Isn't that just like Him to overwhelm? I like that about my God. His mercy, His goodness. And His ability to make a grand gesture.
4 comments:
I love this. So much. And I love you guys!
Hmmm. If I had a dollar for every time I felt that exact same way (like a blah non-contributor), then I'd be able to give a VERY significant sum to various honorable groups and might feel like I was doing a little more. Oh well.
I think you're right - it's a mommihood induced lull. Right now, it's hard to feel like a functioning, competent adult, much less an active and accomplished participant in, well, life. When I start to feel this way, Zach usually helps scrape me off the floor. He reminds me to look at what Jesus' life looked like while He was on earth. On the surface, mine doesn't really compare. How can preparing meals, doing laundry and wiping runny noses even begin to add up to anything significant? It's all about love. Jesus poured out His life in love and service to others. Moms do the same thing. It's not glamorous, but definitely noble.
So, you're right. I don't think He necessarily gives tired moms and dads an exception. I think He "gently leads those with young". It's His nature. He's our Shepherd, our overwhelmingly loving, patient and compassionate Shepherd.
BTW...You're doing great at this Mommy thing. I love you!
Hello Jane,
Raising that little girl is part of the Kingdom of God. Remember, children are the heritage of the Lord. Haven needs all that you are giving her right now, and will for the next couple of decades. When you care for her, you are taking care of His baby Haven. Maybe that is why He is overwhelming you with love!
Be well,
Bryan
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