It Bothers Me

The stupid names they give baby toys. Bumbo seat, Jumperoo, Boppy. Do the makers of these products think that moms will be more likely to buy them if they are dripping with cutesy sounding names? It does the opposite for me. I try to think of new names to call them. The Bumbo seat? It will now be known as the Yellow Pod That My Child Is More Interested In Chewing On Than Her Food. The Jumperoo? I'd call that the Way Too Bright, Way Too Light Seat that Allows Me to Eat Without Holding My Child On My Knee Thus Getting Food All Over Her and Myself. But I don't know if that name would fit on the Packaging.

The Boppy? I've got a few naming suggestons. I'm sure in Perfect Mother Land--the land where mother's have time to a). go find the Useless Overpriced Pillow--it's never in the last place you left it regardless of what your husband might tell you, and they are expensive so you can't afford to have one in every room, b). carefully position the Like I Needed Another Roll Around My Tummy--I Just Had A Baby around your waist (whose waist does this fit anyway?), c). gently lay your patiently waiting, hungry baby on the It's Not Hard Enough to Throw at My Husband When He's Telling Me to Hurry Up and Feed Our Hungry Baby and dispense with the feeding. I don't know about your baby, but my baby would be screaming her head off by now, and if she could speak would probably say, "Ma! Forget the d*mn oddly shaped pillow and give me some milk already!" Not that my baby would ever use four letter words. But if she did, at least I won't ever hear the word "Bumbo" come out of her mouth.